Hyperbole

Here's another story to add to the whole that is my ironic life:

Went on vacation to Puerto Vallarta last week. First time to Mexico-South-of-Frontera-BC. Went parasailing! First time ever. Always wanted to try it. I was third to go (my dad and wife went before me), and we were all getting hungry for lunch. After they rigged me to fly I had to wait a long time (the boat was pulling "the banana", a water-toboggan-thingy, and the passengers kept purposely falling off, forcing the boat to stop and wait for them to get back on.) Anyhow, finally the boat returned, they hooked up my tow line, and I was off and flying. Parasailing is awesome! It's really breathtaking...I highly recommend it (despite what I'm about to tell you next.) The only part of the experience I missed having was landing back on the beach – I got dropped in the drink instead. :) As it turns out, the boat ran out of fuel. Fortunately, the tropical Pacific is plenty warm (even in March), and I was wearing a life vest of course so treading water was no problem. And I got a free WaveRunner ride out of it to boot! :)

My wife knows me well enough not to worry (once she could see I was afloat), my kids worried only a little bit, and my mother might have had kittens. I personally had a blast. :)

Posted by gefilte at 09:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Previously I wrote about the eye disorder I am struggling with, called "keratoconus". I mentioned more recently that I felt it was worsening. Well, I went to see the ophthalmologist again, and found out something very interesting. Turns out that the disorder is greatly effected by heat and dryness, and that lots of his patients had been coming to see him about blurrier-than-normal vision. He sent me home with over-the-counter eye drops, and told me to use them when I saw things blurry or felt eyestrain. So I did, and sure enough, it worked. So for now, fewer blurry days. Huzzah!

Posted by gefilte at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Back at the end of July, I and my family went to Portland, OR. My main reason for going to Portland was to attend OSCON, and this was the second time I went to OSCON in Portland. (For the record, I've been to OSCON 1999 and 2000 in Monterey, CA and 2005 and 2006 in Portland, OR.) Overall I found the city to be (from my vantage point) extremely livable, and frankly one I'd like to live in.

Click below to read the full entry.

Continue reading "Portland" »

Posted by gefilte at 02:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm going to pretend to start blogging again.

So since my last entry, I've been to Portland for a conference and vacation, and then got back and had a very time-absorbing project at work to attend to. So now I'm catching up. I think I'll start here.

Posted by gefilte at 01:55 PM | Permalink

Because of my keratoconus I have experienced "clear days" and "blurry days". Today is a very blurry day, and it's really very frustrating. I can't keep clear focus on anything very well. What's so frustrating is that it's not like having focal problems or myopia – I hit CMD-+ (increase font size) as many times as I want and it makes no difference; instead of small blurry text I see big blurry text. It's still just blurry though.

I guess I'll just get through it.

My next ophthalmologist appt. is in a few weeks...

Posted by gefilte at 09:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A member of my family who is getting on in years is in trouble. He has been dealing with the gradual onset of dementia for awhile now, though recently it has gotten much worse. Now his wife is trying to take advantage of him. Long story short, I think what she's trying to do is secure his POA, liquidate their home, abscond with the money and leave him out on the street. Perhaps her intentions are not as harsh as this, but I think in the end this is the outcome she is looking for.
This really pisses me off.
Mean people suck!

Posted by gefilte at 10:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Time is a finite resource.

How I spends my time is a reflection of my values (or should be, at any rate.)

I spend much of my time with my family -- this lines up with my values

I spend much of my time working -- this is a necessity of modern life for most of us.

It's how I should spend the rest of my time that is troublesome. I've allocated very little time to myself -- most of my "private moments" involve driving an automobile as a primary task. But sometimes I'm left with time that is just mine (whether I arranged or expected its allocation or not.) Sometimes I spend that time on family responsibilities. But sometimes I don't (whether I should or not is perhaps a corollary issue), and it's not consistent what I spend that time on. I seldom plan what I will spend that time on, and I'm not really sure right now how to value/weight the things I do spend that time on. I think it's time for me to re-assess my values...

...or perhaps I merely question the value of my (inborn or socialized) spontaneity.

Posted by gefilte at 11:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Relationship requires courage. Fear and denial are all too easy a road to descend, but they lead only to disconnection and loneliness. Courage is vital to making real connection. Without courage I have shrank my world to a myopic view through a pinprick lens. With courage I will see beyond the nose on my face to those around me that love and care for me. And with courage I see how those around me need my love and care.

Posted by gefilte at 11:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The first step to healing an open wound is to stop the bleeding.
There's no way to work on problems manifest as scars from long ago while other parts are bleeding. Best to stop the bleeding first, and find stability again. Only in that place of stability will I find the strength to face the past. But for now -- triage.

Posted by gefilte at 08:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

This one has been sitting in the hopper for awhile... time to finish it:

I know who I am, I make choices based on my values, and I make no apologies for the choices I've made.

At least, those were (paraphrased) the parting words from a friend of mine as I was preparing to leave my company's post-holiday party. I was preparing to leave because I needed to get home to help prepare for my son's birthday party the following day. That was the sort of choice he was referring to – I have chosen to put my family first, to leave a clean life, and to uphold my personal integrity.
(He went on to assert how much he respected me for these things, and also for my abilities as a Software Engineer, which I discovered the other day are a bit rusty.)

The hard part of all of this is that there are often undesirable by-products of the decisions we make, and that it is incumbent upon us to accept those things. For example, as a result of choosing to buy a house (and therefore, moving further away from work to a more affordable neighborhood) I now spend more time on the roads than I ever have before. This is a trade-off – one I am learning to accept. But I'd make the same decision over again if faced with it. I put my family's needs first.

This entry doesn't feel done, but I'm going to post it anyway.

Posted by gefilte at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

So we made it through two Christmases without any event to report. Everyone was better-than-civil to each other, there was no "issue" hanging like a dark cloud. It was actually a good time! Survived for another year.

This is not to say that there wasn't stuff under the surface...

Posted by gefilte at 11:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Last Thursday I saw an optometrist about my persistent changes (or as it seemed, worsening) of my vision. After having a "corneal topography" (essentially, staring into a tube full of bright, red, concentric circles in a bright yellow matrix while holding my eyes open really wide), the doctor determined that I have Keratoconus. (More info from the National Keratoconus Foundation.)

I'm told the remedy is hard contact lenses. And I was just getting used to the spectacles...

Posted by gefilte at 10:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Christmas was good this year. The kids had a great time – they love their grandparents, and the feeling is mutual. We got to see my uncle, aunt, and cousins. (Yes, I have a first cousin that is younger than my son.) The kids had lots of fun playing together as well (though they were definitely done with each other by the end.) No major conflicts, either.

Now on to Christmas Part II: the in-laws. Something tells me that this year, it won't go nearly as smoothly.

Posted by gefilte at 09:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I have not been myself of late.
My greatest value is integrity, but I have broken important promises.
I used to have a vast well of patience to draw from, but I have lost my temper over small, predictable things.
I have done big things and little things that have been out of character with who I am.
I haven't taken the time for self-care that I should, and it is showing.

In short, I've lost some of myself somewhere, and I need to find it again.
(This seems like a recurring theme in my life...)

Posted by gefilte at 08:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)